Two stories about work and mind altering substances.

This last week it's been half term in London schools. Just the right time to organise a police raid on my nine-year old's primary school...

I should explain. The caretaker had been growing - ahem, I mean allegedly growing, of course - a small forest of cannabis plants in the boiler room. It was the sky-high electricity bills which revealed the secret. Someone tipped off a tabloid and suddenly Mrs. Charlie, a parent governor, has spent half the week issuing po-faced statements of support for the excellent head and the other half fending off humorous texts from her mates archly asking if this was a new PTA fund raising initiative. This should be a nine day wonder: there's no suggestion that any one's little darling came into contact with the plants.

But these things can linger in the collective memory, as Richard Fortey's rather wonderful 'The Secret Life of the Natural History Museum- Dry Store Room No.1' has reminded me. Before the war, there was allegedly an illicit still inside the hollow Big Blue Whale. (It's a delightful book - the NYRB review is reproduced here). The Head of Exhibitions was said to be responsible. I can only imagine it didn't show up on the utility bills....

Grown Up Writing

I think many currently illegal drugs should be legalised. So does Shocko. But the difference is he can write about it beautifully, in the full knowledge it's not a cost free judgment call.

There should be more of this kind of writing - writing which acknowledges moral and political complexity, and yet still faces up to the need to come down on one side of an argument. I think the Fatman does it routinely, even if I don't always agree with every conclusion. It's grown up writing.

Little Brown Jug

I'd forgotten about this: a drinking song from my youth. Do young lefties still sing?

Actually, do they still drink?

N.B. Honest - I never sang the dodgy 13th verse...even then I thought that level of sectarianism was naff.


I'll sing you one - O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What is your one - O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you two - O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your two - O!
Two, two, the workers' hands, working for a living - O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you three - O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your three - O!
Three, three the Rights of Man
Two, two, the workers' hands, working for a living - O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you four -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your four - O!
Four for the Four Great heroes ( Shout Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin - or Gramsci- to taste)
Three, three the Rights of Man
Two, two, the workers' hands, working for a living - O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you five -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your five - O!
Five for the years in the five year plan
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you six -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your six - O!
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in the five year plan
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you seven -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your seven - O!
Seven for the hours of the working day
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in the five year plans
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you eight -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your eight - O!
Eight for the Eighth Red Army
Seven for the hours of the working day
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in in the five year plans
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.


I'll sing you nine -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your nine - O!
Nine for the Days of the General Strike
Eight for the Eighth Red Army
Seven for the the hours of the working day
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in in the five year plans
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you ten -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your ten - O!
Ten for the Days that Shook the World
And Nine for the Days of the General Strike
Eight for the for the Eighth Red Army
Seven for the the hours of the working day
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in in the five year plans
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you eleven -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your eleven - O!
Eleven for the Moscow Dynamos
Ten for the Days that Shook the World
And Nine for the Days of the General Strike
Eight for the for the Eighth Red Army
Seven for the the hours of the working day
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in in the five year plans
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

I'll sing you twelve -O!
Red Fly The Banners, O!
What are your twelve - O!
Twelve for the chimes on the Kremlin clock
And eleven for the Moscow Dynamos
Ten for the Days that Shook the World
And Nine for the Days of the General Strike
Eight for the for the Eighth Red Army
Seven for the the hours of the working day
Six for the Tolpuddle Martyrs,
Five for the years in in the five year plans
And four for the four years taken,
Three, three, the Rights of Man!
Two, two the workers' hands, working for a living, O!
One is Workers' Unity and ever more shall be so.

Drunk and Disorderly

So we have another small scale parliamentary hooha about alcohol. It won't go anywhere, which s a pity since there is much to be learned about the generality of New Labour's politics by looking at them through the bottom of a glass.

Alcohol is the site where its' sense of free market libertarianism - "I've got the money to do this, so why can't I buy my pleasure all the time?" - meets its' instincts for social control in the form of ASBOs and so forth. The result is a contradictory policy mess and our town centres being given over to alcohol fueled mayhem on Friday and Saturday nights.

Booze- of which I am a great fan - is just too cheap. That's all. It's about a third of the real price I paid for it when I was 20 and likely to have been one of those cluttering up the city centre late on weekend nights. Up the price and most of the social control issues will disappear like Scotch Mist (weak pun intended).

It's really not that complicated: and drugs needn't be any more complicated either. Legalise them, police their purity and make 'em expensive. I really believe that this would 'work' in terms of decreasing the crime rate overall which is massively influenced by the illegality of drugs.

Mind you, it would also almost inevitably add to the health costs. But that's a more or less direct trade off we all know about.